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Destructive Tests
 

WHAT I DID IN 2008.

2008 not so great. Once again I found myself on my parents couch.

In January I opened the show for a week in New 
Mexico. I got paid $200 and gas cost me $240.
Money isn't everything. I performed with two  
great comedians.

The ride through Flagstaff, AZ in January is not 
for the faint of heart.
                 Off the road
Couple of comedians
George McKelvy, Chip Flatow
Plow in side view mirror 
That has got to be one of the coolest snapshots
of a plow in the side view mirror.

To think about it now, I had a fever, chills and a sore throat.
I was still able to snap this picture. I don't get sick that
often, but when I do, I get the crap smacked out of me. By the 
time I made it to my parent's place I had the heater on full blast,
wearing two sweatshirts, and I was still cold. It took about two
weeks for the cold to clear up including the nice sinus
and ear infection.

After I healed up, I made a run to Florida. The cost of gas in the van would have been suicide. I rented a Dodge
Caliber. Although, it would have been more accommodating to sleep in the van. The Caliber has fold down 
seats, and I don't take up much room. Throw in a $10 shower at the truck stop. I'm saving cash. 

My first comedy club stop was in Oklahoma city, OK. They were kind enough to let me do a guest set. 
Unfortunately it went nowhere. I drove to the Funny Bone in Shreveport, LA hoping to get a guest set. They were
closed and moving to a new location. If it's not good, it can only be bad luck. 

It's been a really long time since I slept in a torrential down pour. Not to mention in a car. In Pensacola, FL it rained,
it thundered, and it cracked the lighting bolts. 

I was supposed to drive the next day to Davie, Florida to meet up with my illegitimate brother. No, my parents did not 
have an affair. We've known each other since our moms pushed us in strollers together. 
So instead I made a pit stop in Palm Bay to hang with my boy the Slacker. 
Slacker in a cart
"Slacker"
Like children the first thing we did was go cart racing. He beat
me like a redheaded step child. It must have been because of 
the sleep deprivation! That's the story I'm sticking with! 
With a bruised ego I made it to my bro's place.

My Bro and I
 The first thing he does is put me to work loading his truck with
branches from a tree he cut down. Then we drive over to a dumpster where he worked to dump it.
Then finally we went to Hooter's for some chicken breasts.
During our dining experience his girlfriend calls. The C___! Won't leave us alone. She calls at 5 min intervals.
(I drove all the way down there and she's such a C____!)
Anyway!
I shot a scene with him for the indie film I'm making and got a hotel room. 
Why didn't I stay with him? C___! That one word should sum it up.
Bubble gum flasher
It wasn't me!
Cafe sign
On my way back I was so tired that when I pulled into this
truck stop to sleep I didn't notice what was across
the street. 
After I showered the next morning. I walked across to have breakfast. Let me extrapolated. I walked through
the door into this little vestibule. Big enough for two people to stand in single file. There was an ugly bearded man 
behind a window with a slot to pass money. He says with a southern drawl "I don't have any dancers right now".
I replied "That's fine, I'm hungry, and I'm just looking for breakfast. Is the food any good?"
He replies "damn good and Sunny is serving it nude". The first thing that runs through my mind is Sonny, of 
Sonny and Cher?
Hey I saw deliverance twice. Wee!-wee!-wee! Then he says "that's a five dollar cover". I protested "I have to pay 
a five buck cover to have breakfast". Well, you know what they say about pigs "food overrides all" I paid 
the five, and he buzzed me in. Sunny was perky and the food was good. It is my belief that breakfast should be
served this way everyday! Breakfast cost me $22 including the cover and tip.
Back in Boise I went to signed up for unemployment.
They told me I didn't make enough money. I made
30K last year in four months, and the rest of the
year was a dry spell. If you look at my pay stubs
they took the taxes out. It's seems that
unemployment has become another scam played
upon the working man. Much like the biggest 
pyramid scam going "Social Security".(IMHO)
Comedy & Tragedy
After doing the math, I told the summer contractor I wanted more money.
They told me to walk!
I was happy and disappointed at the same time.
At least I wouldn't be dealing with the on call 24/7 crap and the defective parts issues
that plague last year's season.
I started applying for work. I had a job interview with a power plant in Arizona. I drove down since I don't fly anymore.
Flying is not safe! (IMHO) Any and all the good mechanics I know quit or were laid off. Most maintenance is done
by outside contractors overseas and the FAA as no jurisdiction there. What does FAA stand for?
"Frig Another Accident?"

It was a three hour interview. First hour, I sat in the manager's office talking to him and the lead.
They had know idea what they were doing. Their up time ratio to maintenance was 50%. The airline I worked 
for at its peak had 500 airplanes. Can you imagine 250 of them grounded everyday? Check your electric bill rates
lately?  

Then they walk me around the power plant in July for 45 mins.
It's past lunch now, and they throw me a Four page written test. No multiple choice. I haven't eaten or drank 
anything since breakfast. Last question on the second page is: If you have a vessel 30ft long and 25ft 
in diameter and 64 gals of water is this many cubic ft. What is the volume and weight of the water, if the tank is
3/4 full? I had the right answer, but that was as far as I could go. Time was up. They bring me back into 
the office and the head manager comes in and asked me to tell him what I've done? I SNAPPED! You've got to 
be kidding me! I did hit Vegas for a grand on the way down. So it made the trip and adventure.
After laying on the futon all summer. I decided 
to go through with my original plan. Book a 
club-do comedy-give away the Firebird.
I booked the Knitting Factory in Boise. I went
to 96.9 The Eagle to get some radio coverage.
They sponsored the show with 10ggs in free 
advertising. I was pumped!  
68 people showed up and 37 were comps.


I'M DONE!!!
Show poster

The bonus of all this free time is that I get to spend the holidays with family. Which beats a 6 on/2 off rotating days schedule any day.

Remember that if you don't have a Poorman's T-shirt, someone else will be driving that Firebird. Don't make it easy for them get a T-shirt now! Thanks for your support.



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